


Words Unsaid

by Drakochan



Category: Firefly
Genre: Angst, Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakochan/pseuds/Drakochan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Heart of Gold, Mal is shaken by the words Inara says... and all those that neither of them ever did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Unsaid

Before today, Malcolm Reynolds thought that no words could hurt him. Maybe a sting of slight, a bit of insult, or a grudge left simmering in the back of his minds, but never before had words felt like the twist of a knife, a pain like when he'd fallen into Niska's hands and nearly lost an ear, and more than that, had lost his life, albeit only briefly.

_I'm leaving._

He'd stood there on the catwalk, numb, the words ringing, ringing, echoing in his skull, a dull ache in his belly like twisting muscles and his chest pained, hard to breathe. Stood there a long while, trying to find his balance again, feeling like if he let go of the railing, he'd topple off into nothingness.

It was like swallowing a rock, when he finally moved, glancing up towards the side of the ship with her shuttle, knuckles going white where he gripped the rail to keep himself from being the fool and chasing after her. She wanted to leave, and he couldn't help but know it was all his fault.

His fault for never saying a damn thing that counted, and his fault for failing Nandi, no matter how Inara insisted otherwise. Or more to the point, his fault for failing Inara with Nandi, who told him that the feelings weren't just on his side, which he'd pushed aside for the course of the battle, and never got a chance to say a thing about it.

Malcolm made his way back towards the front of the ship, pointedly following the path on the opposite side of Inara's shuttle, up to the crew quarters, and past them to the bridge. He knew he'd never manage the ladder down into his room right now, still feeling that phrase ringing in his head, rattling around like moths around a fire, headed to his own doom. He'd live, he'd lived through so much worse than this, but gorram it all…

"Captain," Wash's cheerful voice interjected his thoughts, and he forced a smile. "We did pretty good back there, don't you think?"

"We did at that," Mal agreed, the smile feeling less forced now. "Saved some pretty girls and showed 'em how to stand up to any fool that thinks he's superior. Wish we could've saved them all."

Wash leaves that as it is, and Mal's grateful. He's good at reading the atmosphere, no matter what airs he puts on, or any nonsense he gets up to. It's easy to see why Zoe fell for the guy, even if it took a while.

"We're good on fuel for a while. We have any particular planets we're needing to stop by?"

"Not at the moment, but I'll keep you updated if I get wind of any jobs. Mayhaps something a bit quieter, not so many guns."

"I dunno, that last battle got the blood pumpin' a bit." Wash offers a sidelong grin up at Mal, and the Captain merely offers a slight twitch of his smile.

"Could do with a little less killing, myself. Let's just go the way we're going, and keep our ears out for anything needs done."

"Aye, aye, Captain." The glib reply is as much as Mal ever gets, but he doesn't mind. The normalcy has given him back his center, put things back on kilter. 

He can finally make it down the narrow hatch to his bunk without feeling like he's going to break his ankle tumbling down the short ladder.


End file.
